After the high, always comes the low.
I have some issues in my head and I have a need to pour them out somehow through this blog. Don't mind me, afterall this is my space to write anything I want. I think I have sooo many things to write about, but I always skip them out and bore you guys with description of places and things. I'm a bad blogger lol, but mehhh whatever.

So emo now. UHH.
OKay issues:

1. Ball gown
The super good news is, that I FINALLY found my ball gown today in the city with Keziah. It's a HUGE relief, since I have been searching fruitlessly for the past one month.
Bad news is, I bought TWO gowns.
I don't want it that way, definitely. But I guess after reflecting tonight, I concluded I was impulsive with the first dress I bought. It's nice and stuff, though not perfectly what I was looking for. But I was happy to buy it cos it still looked promising.
After purchase, I went with Keziah to the boutique next door and I found a gown very much more closer to my liking than the one I bought. It really looked way more elegant and more suitable than the first one I bought. I knew this dress was it. So I bought it as well.

So okay, I am such a super good spender living on credit. A total of 700 for the two gowns. I am feeling soo guilty right now. Just now I was talking to my dad on the phone and I did get the lecture abt it, but I didn't know how to express my regret and apologies to him. I have to work hard and pay back all that I spent in singapore. It amounts to a huge sum and I am so upset with my own spending.

One of my goals, seriously, is to earn lotsa $$$ in the future. Money is not everything, but it does mean something.


2. Aunty
She started off fine.
But now she's on my back all the time, and she would poke her nose into my business so much I'll get so annoyed. Especially with finding a ball gown, she has been trying to use her sense of fashion to encourage me to go to her type of boutiques to buy her type of dresses. Yack yack yack, she even thinks she's being so nice as to INSIST going shopping with me so she can help me pick clothes. Puke. She really seems to be thinking of my ball dress more than me, randomly coming up to me and texting me about more boutiques she thought of and where I could go to shop. Blehhh I do appreciate her concern to a certain extent, but ppl overdo things sometimes.

Also recently, she's become really talkative. Yesterday's long blog was stopped midway because I had to listen to her talk abt stuff I dun wanna know, and answer her questions that was just off her mind. It's like, hey tmr I gotta wake up at 9am, now it's already 2am, can't you see I'm on the computer typing up a thousand words and don't really have much time? She talked to me for a whole hour. RARHHHHHHHH. Same with tonight, just now she tried talking but I sorta made it snappy.
So annoyingggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!


3. Cousins
They are very annoying. Especially Rongxuan, the boy.
Joyee, the girl, is just ok. She's sweet and cute as any other kids, but she also asks endless questions like many other kids. Questions questions all day long! And I don't really like her fake cute accent. You can so tell, I can't believe a little girl like her puts on an extra high pitch and cute talk to act innocent and ask for things.

Rongxuan is just pissing me off alot. He's not like other boys. He's the type who is VERY loud, hyperactive, can't stop crapping, 24/7 acting knowledgeble, 24/7 saying things he don't mean and promising things he can't do. Some of it sounds very normal, but you can't imagine how much you have to put up with when you're living with them and trying to listen to what crap they have to say.

And it's so tiring trying to be a good cousin to them. So tiring to keep up the good example. To teach them by being an example yourself you know. No swearing, no quarelling, nono anything bad for kids to learn. And it's even harder trying to keep up the enthusiasm to play with them and talk patiently with them. Especially when they're hot on your nerves.
They are very ill-mannered in my opinion.
Never heard any thank yous, sorrys, please, etc manners before.
Partly my uncle and aunt's fault. They don't tell their kids off, and their kids even boss them around sometimes. Complaining rather than being grateful to their parents.

Ahhhh it's just kids and me.
I can't stand it.


4. Future plans
All of them are hot on coming over to Perth in June for a MONTH and self invited themselves to BUNK INTO OUR HOUSE.
Greatttttt, 8 people in that tiny house of ours.
It's sorta understood we're returning them the favour of living with them in singapore, but I didn't really think I could live with them and lose certain freedom in my own house. A whole month toooo. *groannn*
With TEE to prepare for, I won't expect myself to be a great host playing with my cousins all day and talking to my aunt about boring stuff.


5.Jamaica
She is like my friend, yet like my enemy.
Love-hate relatioinship going on for sure.
Nowadays building on the hate unconsciously.
I'm not a person to judge her, but still I really am dying to spill everything out. OK shall censor details.
She's definitely selfish, bossy, self-centred, long-winded, lonely to th extent I've become her diary, annoying and such a know-it-all.
I musn't hate, but i can't help feeling it sometimes.


6. Weight
Putting on weight for sure
fat fat fat
there's no going down for me?


7. Myself
To have so much hate for things, I do hate myself alot.
Probably can conclude I'm an introvert and pessimist.
It's ok to be truthful, whatever. I'm learning to put up with myself.
Last year 2008 I've been constantly conscious of my thoughts, trying to pick up areas which I really wanna improve in.
This whole post might sound like I'm such a shit person, but that's the truth and I must learn to let go. I bottle things up too much, it leads to breakdowns.

I have this thing where I am finding the way towards perfection and idealness. Maybe that's why I pick up numerous negative aspects of people. I think I am in a way trying to learn from them, that I don't want people to think negatively of me as well because of those bad things I picked up from others. I keep wanting to change myself, you know to inject some positiveness in myself, to be nicer, more generous, understanding, outing, patient, humble, loving etcccc. Somewhere deep down I can't stop thinking about how inferior I am, and how long a way I have to go. For example, though atm I really don't like kids much at all, I am thinking of how I can be the perfect mother in the future. How scared I am to lead my kids the wrong way, to teach them the wrong things, or to not show enough love and care to them. It's so hard :'(

I have also picked up that among so many things, relationships between people is the most complicated and stressing thing on earth. Whether in workplace, school, family, couples etc, there's always conflict because no one is perfect.
People-people is always tough.


And how I wish I know how to apply all the positive theories into my life instead of letting them boggle my head up all the time.
My heart is just that hard,
and my head just that helpless.

:(